Blogging without Bragging

I used to write a lot and publsh a lot (web pages, public forums, mailing lists, or paper publication for communities), until one day I realized that it's so easy for everybody to voice nowadays that very few people have the time to listen. Then I decided to stop writing and start reading.

我以前寫過不少東西（網頁、論壇、群組、社刊、系刊等）。有一天，我突然發現每個人都在寫，卻很少人有時間來讀。所以我從那天起停筆，然後開始閱讀。

I read others' works, and read my own early works. And I learned a lot about others as well as myself. I realized that most of my writing was just to impress instead of to contribute. Even when what I wrote happens to be helpful for somebody, I would be so eager to take the credit, fearing those helped forget to be thankful or show respect to me.

Such attitude didn't make one truely happy after all. However, my habit of wanting to impress others has been so rooted that the ego of mine has always rationalized and found excuses for me. It took me many years to realize that I have this habit, then it took me a long time to be able to admit that I have this habit, and it took me even longer to really see why it's no good for myself.

Now I start to write again, and I hope this time, I am more aware of what I write and why I write.

我讀其他人寫的東西，也讀自己以前寫的。這過程讓我更瞭解人，也更瞭解自己。我發現自己以前大部份寫的東西，大部份是為了讓人覺得我很行很棒，很少真的寫出對別人有用的。即使真的寫出一點剛好對別人有益的東西，我也急忙要別人記得東西是我寫的，深怕別人忘了謝我。

這樣的態度終究沒讓我得到真正的快樂。不過，長期養成自我膨脹的習慣，並不容易改。我內在的那個小精靈，總是幫我找藉口來合理化自己寫作的動機。我花了好多年才看到自己這一點；然後我很長的時間才敢承認自己有這個習慣；最後，經過一段更長的時間，我才真正體會出這樣的習慣對我的傷害何在。

現在我再度提筆。希望這一次，我寫的時候，能知道自己寫什麼，更知道自己為什麼寫。

(Update 更新 2006/09/15: I found this How-To interesting, although I don't totally agree what's said there. 我發現這個 How-To, 雖然我不完全同意其觀點，但頗為有趣。)